I think of all the reasons I did not come here for the last 18 months and honestly, it is too tiring to explain or justify. Therefore, it seems so much simpler to "forgive and forget" and let bygones be bygones and just start anew.
And yet, it is not easier said than done, is it? To forgive and forget? To let bygones be bygones? Especially when we have been wronged? Why shouldn't we hang on to some bitterness? Why not stay angry for a while more? He sure deserves my sour face! She can talk to my hand! They made my life so miserable, why shouldn't I return the favor? Besides, if I forgive, that means they get to keep on their merry way....no, with no lessons learned?
Honestly, I don't know. At this point, I don't really care either. Does it truly matter who was wrong and who was right? Some days, it seems like it does matter. But....
If I choose not to forgive, then I am the one being burdened by my actions. I am the one holding the weight of yesterday. I am the one chained by the lie that happiness is achieved by hitting back.
If I wish to be brutally honest, I will confess that I have hit back, using words, using emotional manipulation etc. Did it feel good? Most of the time, it did not. Perhaps for one second, I felt justified and vindicated for my retaliation, returning bad for bad but I always came away feeling like the part of me that was good was stripped away, just a little, as if I was walking towards the Dark Side of the Force (if I were a Jedi Knight :D)
So, a new year beckons. I will choose to let go of yesterday's crap so I can embrace tomorrow's promise. Edith Lovejoy Pierce has a wonderful quote attributed to her. As a closet writer who hopes to be published someday, I love it.
I hope you see me here more often this new year. May peace be yours as you join me in letting go of old baggage and embracing freedom in new beginnings.
